Skip to main content

An Open Letter To All Nigerian Boyfriends (For Valentine)

Dear Nigerian boyfriends

We hope that you and your ATM card are getting ready for Sunday?

In no particular order, below are a list of items we WOULD NO LONGER accept as Valentine day gifts.

1. BBM BC's
2. Whatsapp BC's
3. BBM PM Shoutouts
4. Instagram Woman Crush Sunday.
5. Romantic sms except it is accompanied with a credit alert.
6. Card: Soft and hard copies. This is not applicable to recharge cards. Please note the s.
7. Leaves/Flowers: Fresh, rubber, dried, scented, unscented, cooked and uncooked.
8. Perfumes from an unnamed designer: That type that stains cloth and produces rashes.
9. Cheap jewelries made out of copper, steel, zinc and iron.
10. Cheap chocolates.
11. Rice & Chicken in Mr Biggs nylon.

However, while we are still saving for your Bentley, we expect that you'd receive your regular valentine pack of a handkerchief, a singlet and a boxer with sincere appreciation as these three items connotes a deep meaning that has more value than silver and gold.

A white handkerchief signifies gratitude. We are indirectly apologising for all the times we made you sweat and thanking you for sticking with us.

All the wonderful things you could use your handkerchief for

You boys never have more than three singlets. This is why we keep adding another one year after year.

We wouldn't be giving you briefs/boxers if we haven't envisage a future with you. We care about your body & the packaging of reproductive organs.

Extras of ties and cufflinks, who doesn't like a perfect gentleman?

In addition to the above, you are expected to observe the following rules from now till 15th February.

– You are not allowed to take any one week impromptu trip to the village to visit your uncle's brother husband. No fake business trips! No disappearing acts!

– You are advised not to fake any form of terminal disease or sickness. Be warned.

– No bad phone, bad network, bad battery, phone speaker is bad , power button is not working excuses.

– No 'ATM is not working or card has been blocked' excuses. You have from now till Friday to register your BVN.

– You are advised to increase your tolerance level for all our excesses. No 'we should go on a break' 'It's not you, it's me' or 'I have been thinking about this relationship' speech will be accepted.

– Third service, fourth service, prayer meeting, youth meeting and fasting MUST NOT be used as an excuse come Sunday the 14th.

Please pass to respective parties. We thank you in advance for understanding.

Signed:
By @Naijasinglegirl,
On behalf of girlfriends in Nigeria.

 
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

ABIA GOVT TAKE MADE IN ABA TO USA

As part of Governor Okezie Ikpeazu's campaign for promoting Made-in-Aba products, Abia State government and Abia State National Association, U.S.A. and North America, ASNA-NA,showcased the potentials and quality of Aba products to the international community during the association's national convention in New York City, USA. The event saw many designers, such as Chumar, and thousands of products shipped in from Aba on display, with models on the runway, adorning Aba-made designs. According to the Special Assistant to the Abia State Governor on Diaspora Matters, Mr. John Ndubuisi, all the outfits on display were sold out and orders placed, noting that Made-in-Aba designs will soon be competing in the American market. He added that with the clamour for restructuring, Abia State Government is working to grow the local economy, provide employment, empower skilled artisans and boost internally-generated revenue, stressing that Aba, dubbed The Japan of Africa for its entrepreneurial ...

Insurgency: UN, FG launch $1bn 2021 Humanitarian Plan for North East

  The United Nations and the Federal Government along with development partners have launched the 2021 Humanitarian Response Plan for the insurgency-ravaged northeastern part of Nigeria.  The Humanitarian Response Plan represents a collective vision for humanitarian action in 2021, and requests US$1 billion to enable partners provide critical services to the 6.4 million most vulnerable people – from a pool of 8.7 million people in need of some form of humanitarian assistance in 2021 in Borno, Yobe and Adamawa states. According to the UN, a combination of escalating conflict, displacement, and disruption to and loss of livelihoods due to COVID-19 restrictions, could lead to hunger for millions of Nigerians living in the north-east.  The plan, therefore, is based on assessed needs and the realistic capacity of the United Nations and non-governmental organization partners to implement required actions.  Speaking at the event, Minister of Humanitarian Affairs, Disaster M...

DJ CUPPY REVEALS TWO MEN SHE HAS EVER LOVED IN HER LIFE

Nigerian disc jockey, Florence Otedola, popularly known as DJ Cuppy has taken to social media to reveal that she’s only ever loved two men in her 27 years of existence.