Skip to main content

An Open Letter To All Nigerian Boyfriends (For Valentine)

Dear Nigerian boyfriends

We hope that you and your ATM card are getting ready for Sunday?

In no particular order, below are a list of items we WOULD NO LONGER accept as Valentine day gifts.

1. BBM BC's
2. Whatsapp BC's
3. BBM PM Shoutouts
4. Instagram Woman Crush Sunday.
5. Romantic sms except it is accompanied with a credit alert.
6. Card: Soft and hard copies. This is not applicable to recharge cards. Please note the s.
7. Leaves/Flowers: Fresh, rubber, dried, scented, unscented, cooked and uncooked.
8. Perfumes from an unnamed designer: That type that stains cloth and produces rashes.
9. Cheap jewelries made out of copper, steel, zinc and iron.
10. Cheap chocolates.
11. Rice & Chicken in Mr Biggs nylon.

However, while we are still saving for your Bentley, we expect that you'd receive your regular valentine pack of a handkerchief, a singlet and a boxer with sincere appreciation as these three items connotes a deep meaning that has more value than silver and gold.

A white handkerchief signifies gratitude. We are indirectly apologising for all the times we made you sweat and thanking you for sticking with us.

All the wonderful things you could use your handkerchief for

You boys never have more than three singlets. This is why we keep adding another one year after year.

We wouldn't be giving you briefs/boxers if we haven't envisage a future with you. We care about your body & the packaging of reproductive organs.

Extras of ties and cufflinks, who doesn't like a perfect gentleman?

In addition to the above, you are expected to observe the following rules from now till 15th February.

– You are not allowed to take any one week impromptu trip to the village to visit your uncle's brother husband. No fake business trips! No disappearing acts!

– You are advised not to fake any form of terminal disease or sickness. Be warned.

– No bad phone, bad network, bad battery, phone speaker is bad , power button is not working excuses.

– No 'ATM is not working or card has been blocked' excuses. You have from now till Friday to register your BVN.

– You are advised to increase your tolerance level for all our excesses. No 'we should go on a break' 'It's not you, it's me' or 'I have been thinking about this relationship' speech will be accepted.

– Third service, fourth service, prayer meeting, youth meeting and fasting MUST NOT be used as an excuse come Sunday the 14th.

Please pass to respective parties. We thank you in advance for understanding.

Signed:
By @Naijasinglegirl,
On behalf of girlfriends in Nigeria.

 
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

10 ISSUES RAISED BY SEN. BUKOLA SARAKI DURING WORLD PRESS CONFERENCE

POLICE SUE FOR SUPPORT OF PARENTS IN FIGHTING AGAINST CRIME

The Cross River State Police Command has expressed concern over the high rate of proliferation of arms and light weapons among young youths, with a call on parents to be vigilant about the activities of their wards both within and outside their immediate environment. The state Commissioner for Police, Hafiz Inuwa, made this known while speaking at the State CID in Calabar the Cross River State Capital while parading 17 young men with different kinds of arms and ammunition arrested by the police for ranging offences. He Emphasised that security is a collective responsibility and parents have a greater responsibility to this effect. Other items recovered by police included, plasma televisions, gadgets, locally made pistols, army jungle caps among other items. Some of the crimes they were arrested for included, armed robbery at the University of Calabar Staff quarters and different locations in the state, attempted kidnapping, unlawful possession of firearms and cultism...

UNILORIN PRODUCES 89 FIRST CLASS GRADUATES

Prof. AbduGaniyu Ambali, the Vice-Chancellor, University of Ilorin, said on Friday that the institution had produced a total of 89 first class graduates for the 2016/2017 academic session.  The Vice-Chancellor made this disclosure in Ilorin on the occasion of a handover and valedictory press conference,  which signaled the commencement of the 33rd convocation ceremonies of the university. In his address entitled: “You are great”, the VC said that the university was thriving academically, going by the quality and quantity of research works embarked upon by lecturers. He gave a breakdown of the graduating students thus: 89 First Class Division, 1,932 Second Class Upper Division and 3,727 Second Class Lower Division. The VC also said that 1,309 of them graduated with Third Class Division, 117 with ordinary pass while there were two aegrotat graduating students. While handing over to Pro...